***

Unrated (There is an R rated version in existence, but you don't want to see that do you?)
Copyright 1999 Troma, Inc.
DVD released in 2001
Directed by Lloyd Kaufman
Written by Patrick Cassidy, Douglas Back, and Lloyd Kaufman
Starring Wil Keenan, Alyce LaTourelle, Trent Haaga, and Debbie Rochon

INTRO

Many a time in my movie watching, there comes a viewing experience that I'm not quite sure about. After a month passes, I repeat the viewing experience and . . . I'm still not quite sure about it. In the case of Terror Firmer, I have decided not to make anything of it. After all, it's Troma, so why spend time worrying about it? Just sit back and enjoy the carnage and boobies.

PLOT SYNOPSIS

It's really hard to come up with a plot synopsis for a Troma movie that uses more than two lines and doesn't confuse the reader, but here it goes. Terror Firmer is based (very loosely) on Lloyd Kaufman's book All I Need to Know About Filmmaking I Learned from the Toxic Avenger. Blind low budget film director Larry Benjamin (Kaufman, basically playing himself, except for the blindness) and his crew are in the process of filming the latest Toxic Avenger movie. Meanwhile, a mysterious female serial killer is knocking off people who are connected to the film. Thrown into the mix is a love triangle involving a P.A.(Alyce LaTourelle), a special effects artist (Trent Haaga), and a boom man (Wil Keenan). As the movie goes on we get some fairly amusing, albeit disgusting jokes, as well as lots of blood and bouncing boobies of all shapes and sizes. When the truth is finally discovered, it's too shocking (or maybe just to ridiculous) to be believed. But since this is a Troma movie, you expect stuff like that.

MY THOUGHTS

With each subsequent movie, it seems that the Troma Team does its best to try and top the last film in terms of sex, violence, and outrageousness. Not only that, but with films like There's Something about Mary infiltrating the mainstream, Troma has to stay on their toes as well. And on their toes they stay. From the opening shot of a man beaten to death with his own severed leg to the final shot of . . . well, let's not go there . . . this movie has enough blood and gore to appease the carnage hungry monster that dwells within all of us. Or in me, at least.

That being said, the movie seems slightly cluttered, chaotic, and disjointed. There's so much going with very few "rests" that allow the audience to get a grip on the situation. I'm sure Kaufman would say that the chaos is representative of the chaos that goes into filming low budget films. Hmm . . . I guess I can buy that. Just give me a chance to rest and get a drink from the fridge or something, okay?

The puppet crucifixion/dick stretching scene and the guy with the puppet could have been left out altogether. They seem to come out of nowhere and really have no bearing on anything. The Seinfeld bit was funny, but it made me feel like I was watching a totally different movie. And I like a good fart joke as much as anyone, but you can only hear a fart so many times before it stops being funny. Then there's the "railing against the mainstream film industry and pushing the superiority of the underground film" issue.

All throughout the movie, Lloyd Kaufman boosts his own ass with lines like, "Larry was the first man to deal with AIDS honestly in the movies," which is a reference to Kaufman's film Troma's War. He puts down the mainstream with lines like, "Titanic sucks!" Hell, he even flashes the Troma website address and phone number across the screen at one point! The final speech of the film left me feeling the same way I felt when I read Upton Sinclair's The Jungle. If you want to make a point like this, fine. I agree with much of what you say, Lloyd. Just try to be a little more subtle. It makes for better writing and a more entertaining film. Plus, since those who are watching your movies are probably already Troma fans, you are preaching to the converted. And for the record, I happen to like Spielberg. (Get's off soapbox)

But lets end the complaining and give credit where it is due. The acting in this film is probably the best I've seen in a Troma movie. Wil Keenan puts forth an excellent performance. Not only is he one funny motherfucker, but he also delivers some emotional dialogue that actually sends shivers down my spine. Trent Haaga and Alyce LaTourelle are great as well. Debbie Rachon does well as a spoiled actress. Plus, we get a great cameo appearance from porn star Ron Jeremy. The scene of him after a hideous deformation singing, "Amazing Grace" is quite horrific. Lloyd Kaufman . . . well, let's just say there's a reason he hasn't been in one of his own movies for so long. Still, he has a knack for giving funny lines the perfect delivery. Also watch out for appearances by Motorhead's own Lemmy and Troma staple Joe Fleishaker, the latter of which gets eaten by an escalator. The fact that he's 400 pounds makes the scene even funnier than it sounds. South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone also make show up.

Production wise, this movie looks great. It is well shot and well edited. Of course, it's got Troma's trademark continuity errors, but that's part of the fun. Plus, now that we have DVD freeze frame, you can pause the gory shots and go, "Hey, it's just a fake head!" Kaufman still has a knack for shooting truly erotic sex scenes, and then making them hilarious with goofy, sometimes disgusting sound effects. Also, watch for an editing tribute to Brian De Palma. The soundtrack boasts a punk version of "Amazing Grace" by metal veterans Entombed, as well as songs by Motorhead, Godhead, and a bunch of other great bands I've never heard of, no more of which contain the word "head."

DVD STUFF

Troma has taken to DVD like no other film company has. Fuck Criterion! Troma be where it's at! You want special features? We've got special features. In fact, there are so many features, it takes two discs to hold them all.

Disc One contains the unrated, digitally mastered director's cut. For some reason, Troma never releases their videos in widescreen format, but I can live with it. You also get not one, not two, but THREE audio commentaries. The first one is by Kaufman himself. It's pretty funny and informative, but I have to admit that I'm not a fan of one-person commentaries. They seem too artificial. Commentary two is by Editor Gabriel Freeman and some assistant editor whose name I can't remember. They bring up many technical aspects that may bore non-movie geeks. But, they also point out the many continuity errors and share funny on-set stories. Also, they are as vocal as I am in their displeasure with the puppet crucifixion scene. Commentary three, is by actors Will Keenan, Trent Haaga, and Debbie Rachon. Like the other two, it is very informative and funny. I just have to ask this: Where the hell is Alyce LaTourelle?

Then you have deleted scenes, most of which deserve to be deleted. All they do is add boring character development and stupid jokes. Even the editors (who add commentary) agree with this. A neat feature on the DVD is that you can watch the movie with the scenes added in. Of course it's obvious because there is a slight pause while the scenes are added and the scenes are in widescreen while the rest of the film is fullscreen (!) but from a filmmaking standpoint, it's cool to see where the scenes would have been and it makes you appreciate the movie more when you realize the crap they cut out.

You also have "alternate scenes" which look like someone carried a video camera around and shot the actors in character. Except for the p.a. talking about food on the set, I can leave these. Even the "alternate ending" shot at Cannes falls flat. The actor audition tape is interesting, and the blooper reel is hilarious. Of course, you have the mandatory trailer, which is always fun. And a few cute easter eggs.

Disc two has the Terror Firmer Video Game, for those of you with DVD ROM (which I don't have. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!). Three decent music videos from Entombed, Lunachicks, and DJ Polo with special guest rapper Ron Jeremy. (pauses for gasps of disbelief). Interviews with Alyce LaTourelle and Kaufman's daughter Charlotte are nice. You have trailers for four Troma movies, all of which look good.

But the crowning glory of Disc two is the FULL LENGTH documentary Farts of Darkness which chronicles the entire making of the film. We're not talking a crappy little 10 minutes of footage. The documentary clocks in at 90 minutes and follows the production from the beginning all the way to the opening night. For the first time, Troma fans finally get to see Lloyd Kaufmann's fabled temper tantrums in all of their glory.

IN CONCLUSION . . .

Making a follow-up to the masterpiece Tromeo and Juliet was no easy task. If I had to pick which is the better movie, I would have to pick Tromeo. However, Terror Firmer is chock full of gleefully gruesome gore, hilarious jokes, fine acting, and all out fun. Once you get past the total chaos and few scenes that just don't belong, a good time can be had. Yes, the mainstream can put out good movies, but none are as daring, depraved, disgusting, and . . . damn it, I can't think of another "d" word. Ah forget it. Terror Firmer. It's not Troma's best, but it's better than James Cameron's worst.

BEST LINE

"I'm an artist first, and then a business man. And then a foot fetishist."

To order this DVD or to learn more about Troma check out:

Troma's official website
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