Overall Rating

***

On the Pirro Scale

***1/2

Unrated
Copyright 1988
Released in 1990 by Raedon Entertainment
Re-Released in 1994 by Edde Entertainment
DVD Released in 2002 by MTI Home Video
Written and Directed by Mark Pirro
Starring Michael Palazzolo, Kent Butler, Taylor Whitney, Darwyn Carson, Cynthia Brownell, Jim Bruce, Sergio Bandera, Rodney Trapp, Mark Pirro, Sharon Alsina, and Hugh O. Fields.

INTRO

In the film A Polish Vampire in Burbank there was one scene that always seemed to get a great reaction: The ever-so-politically incorrect queerwolf scene. Mark Pirro took note of this. A few years later, he decided to give the queerwolf character his own movie. Hence, the about to be reviewed Curse of the Queerwolf.

SYNOPSIS

Larry Smallbutt (Michael Palazzolo) spends a lot of time going to strip clubs with his best friend Richard Cheese (Kent Butler). While Richard enjoys finding a new woman every night, Larry seems to be settling into his relationship with girlfriend Lois (Taylor Whitney). On one of their excursions, Larry and Richard pick up two lovely women and head back to Richard’s place for a night of indiscriminate sex.

Richard seems to have lucked out, finding a girl (Darwyn Carson) who has a fancy for the sexual uses of baked potatoes, stuffing, and rope. Larry, on the other hand, is not so lucky. After getting bit on the ass by his woman (Cynthia Brownell), Larry discovers something in her pants that just shouldn’t be there. To quote that annoying bastard Austin Powers (Mike Myers . . . sorry, bad joke), “She’s a man, baby!!!”

But it’s not that simple. It turns out that he’s not just a man, but a dickenthrope. Also known as a queerwolf. And as it is in the werewolf movies, anyone who is bitten by a queerwolf and lives becomes a queerwolf himself.

The next night, Larry goes through some . . . changes. His lips become redder. His hair becomes curlier. His writs become limp. Long, red fingernails grow from his hand. Gadzooks and oh my God!!!! Larry has become a queerwolf.

In the morning, Larry wakes up in a men’s spa with a terrible pain in his backside and men all around giving him a thumbs-up. With all the thumbs, I kept expecting to see Siskel and Ebert somewhere. After all, they’ve always given movies like this an ass ramming, so why not . . . never mind.

Larry returns home with no memory of his crazy night. Later that day, he receives a gaggle of cards, flowers, and phone calls from men thanking him. Something’s just not right. How will he deal with the wrath of his girlfriend? Can the gypsy Madame Muddyooch (Sharon Alsina) help free him from this curse with the help of a priest (Hugh O. Fields) and a fagxorsicm? Will Richard continue to terminate people with aversion therapy? And will I ever learn to end a synopsis without sounding like the end of an episode of Batman?

MY THOUGHTS

Okay, I just have to get something off my chest. I can definitely understand why people might see this movie as homophobic. In the film, homosexuality is viewed as a curse to be overcome. Terms such as “fag,” “queer,” and “packing fudge,” are used throughout the film. The gay characters are all shown as “limp-wristed, screaming queens,” to use a line from Paul Rudnick. Most damning of all is when Jim Bruce’s character says, “Maybe this evil is too powerful to be destroyed.” Evil? Hmmmm.

However, there is another side of the coin. Larry is trying to get his relationship with Lois patched up. That’s a hard thing to do when you’re turning into a drag queen and seeking hot butt sex every night. And let’s face it; most heterosexual men view homosexual activity as disgusting, even if they have no problem with homosexuals themselves. Maybe the movie is just trying to have fun with the fears of straight men.

In my opinion, the only accusation against Pirro that might hold a little water would be that he narrowly portrays gays as femme acting males obsessed with finding butt sex. Of course, that argument seems to lose credence when you consider how many movies narrowly portray straight men as macho acting males obsessed with finding vaginal sex. Do you really think that anyone in his right mind would say movies like Porky’s and American Pie portray unflattering stereotypes of the heterosexual male? I doubt it.

Now, I want you to go back and read the last three paragraphs I wrote. They sound a little insightful don’t they? Until you realize that I’m trying to look deep into the meaning of a movie where the two main characters have names like Larry Smallbutt and Dick Cheese. What the hell was I thinking??? This movie wasn’t made to send a message. It was made to make us laugh. Okay, now comes the real review.

The movie starts off a little slow with the laughs. Unlike most comedies of this caliber, Queerwolf actually uses a device known in storytelling as “character development." The plot also flows very well, making it obvious that Pirro has grown as a filmmaker since Polish Vampire. While watching, I even found myself concerned with the characters and their perils.

Once Richard and Larry pick up the women from the bar, however, the laughs kick into high gear. The scene where Richard runs back and forth from the bedroom to the kitchen looking for food items to use as sexual aids was hilarious. The torch men carry their lit torches everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. Even in the daylight, there’s a lit torch with them. Mark also gives us a great running joke involving animal deaths that, despite what PETA may tell you, is funny. Besides, a disclaimer during the end credits informs us that no dogs were hurt during filming. After filming is another matter.

Another good running joke involves Richard, who works as a therapist, accidentally killing his patients with aversion therapy. Come to think of it, would you really want to go see a therapist named Dick Cheese? A few very funny self-referential jokes are thrown in as well. Funny if you’ve seen Polish Vampire, that is.

The movie is obviously a parody of the Universal classic,The Wolf Man. Of course, the pentagram in the hand of the werewolf has been replaced with a pansygram. The parody doesn’t stop there. We also have send-ups of The Exorcist, Night of the Living Dead, and even Deliverance. Speaking of which, I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to see the movie Deliverance without laughing my ass off. I’ve just seen too many parodies of that film.

My only complaint about the movie has to do with a few “enhancements” made by Pirro. There are two scenes where digital effects have been added and it is very obvious that they weren’t there in the original cut of the movie. In one, a girl gets shocked and little comic book-styled lightning bolts appear above her head. The bolts look too clean when compared to the look of the rest of the film. In another scene, a car explosion is added. Like the bolts, the little fireball just doesn’t seem to fit. Part of me feels that Pirro should have just left these two scenes as they were. Another part feels that this is his movie and he can do what he wants to with it. However, it’s just my opinion and these two scenes didn’t take away from my enjoyment of this movie. They just made me think, "George Lucas revisited."

I also have to take issue with the fact that Pirro cast a woman as the first queerwolf instead of casting a man. He says it was because he didn’t want to gross anyone out too much. I say this: Gross us out! I love little shocks like that. Give me male on male kisses!!!! That being said, Cynthia Brownell made for great eye-candy and has been in my dreams ever since I saw this movie, so maybe Mark did make the right decision.

DVD STUFF

The picture and sound of the movie are great when you consider that it was shot on Super-8 film. There are some scenes that are severely under lit, but it’s a pretty good transfer. The letterboxing is also a very nice touch.

Compared to the Polish Vampire DVD, the supplemental materials are a little light. We have a new trailer for the movie, as well as the queerwolf scene from Polish Vampire where Paul Farbman plays the queerwolf. Why did Farbman not return for this film? Apparently Mark wanted an actor who could portray both the masculine and feminine aspects of the queerwolf character and felt that Farbman couldn't do that.

There is a documentary featurette that is just as good as the one on Polish Vampire. Narrated by Pirromount actor John McCafferty, we get the story of the film from inception to ending. The interviews are interesting, but like the Polish Vampire featurette, there are some noticeably absent faces. Michael Palazzolo and Sharon Alsina had problems during the filming of the movie, so that might be why they aren’t there. Also absent are Darwyn Carson and Hugh O. Fields. Taylor Whitney is heard but not seen since, according to the on-screen caption, she wasn’t satisfied with how she looked on video. Kent Butler offers some amusing stories while Rodney Trapp seems to have trouble getting sentences out at times.

Pirro warned his fans on his website that the audio for the feature commentary drops out quite a bit. It does get annoying at times, but the commentary itself is still very good. Once again, Mark discusses the movie with a friend of his and it is very funny and entertaining. I love it when Mark’s friend talks about the various views on the film. He mentions that some see it as homophobic. Others see it as a satire on the homophobic attitudes of America. Mark just nonchalantly says that no matter what anybody sees, he was just trying to make a funny movie.

Perhaps the most interesting tidbit of info (which is also mentioned in the documentary) is the fact that Kent Butler was given many of Michael Palazzolo’s lines and scenes because Palazzolo was very flaky about showing up or staying for shoots. The funny thing is that most of the scenes Butler got, like the aversion therapy death scenes, seem more in line with the character of Richard than the character of Larry. Maybe Pirro’s muse was shining on the movie after all.

IN CONCLUSION

What more can I say? I’m a complete sucker for movies like this, especially when they are done right. Although it is not the best Pirromount movie, Curse of the Queerwolf definitely comes in at a very close second. If you’re a fan of Pirro or ofThe Wolf Man, you’ll get a good kick out of this movie. And even if you’re not, you’ll still probably like it. Unless you’re a tight assed, politically correct movie Nazi, in which case, you shouldn’t be reading this review to begin with.

BEST LINE

“They’re Quee-eerr!!” (a’ la Poltergeist)

To order this video, go to MTI Video or to Amazon.com.
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