A Conversation with Mark Pirro
Some say, “Art imitates life.” Others say, “Life imitates art. Well, I say, “Life imitates the creation of low-budget art.” Allow me to explain.
I did a phone interview with Mark Pirro on March 8, 2003. During the interview, we got cut off twice. The first time, I have no clue what happened. The second time, it was due to the crappy little cordless phone I was using. But that’s not the worst part. Oh no. Unlike the last time I interviewed him, I actually had a sophisticated piece of equipment to help me record my questions and his answers.
Inspired by Linda Tripp, I borrowed a phone tap from a friend of mine. This tap is basically a suction cup that you attach to the back of the phone speaker and then plug into the mic jack of a recorder. I tested it a few times and it worked perfectly. I rewound the tape after the interview and guess what I heard when I pushed play? Pure silence. I have no clue what went wrong, but wrong it went. Life imitating low-budget art indeed!
Like most low-budget art makers, however, I was not going to come up with nothing. I quickly got a pencil and paper and wrote down what I remembered, which is probably what I should have done during the interview in the first place. So what follows is less an interview as it is a series of quotes.
I hope this is sufficient for all you Pirro-philes out there. Also, to Mark, thank you for allowing me to interview you. The fact that you are gracious enough to keep in contact with your fans and even grant interviews to poor schmoes with B-grade websites makes you a gem in the film community. You are truly a class act.
Okay, enough with the ass kissing. Here’s what went down.
How is Rectuma coming along?
“Good. We’ve got to do voice looping and we have an ending to shoot. It looks like it’s going to be our best movie yet.”
Will there be any in-jokes in Rectuma for fans of the Japanese monster movies?
“A few. We have two Japanese girls who sing to Rectuma. The song that they sing is a parody of the song the two girls sing in Mothra. Also, we have a Japanese guy whose lips move out of synch with his voice. Everyone in the movie notices this and he doesn’t understand what’s wrong. But it won’t be like in Queerwolf where we parody specific scenes from movies.”
Are you surprised that Polish Vampire’s popularity has lasted this long?
“Not really. I was more surprised when we sold it the first time. Movies like this tend to get a second wind and a new generation of fans discovers them, kind of like John Waters’ Pink Flamingos. Also, many people had been asking me about new video or DVD releases for Polish Vampire.
Some cast members of Polish Vampire and Queerwolf were noticeably absent from the DVD documentary. Most of the absences were explained, like Eddie Deezen and Michael Pallazolo, but what about Paul Farbman, Bobbi Dorsch, and Darwyn Carson.
“Paul Farbman, I just sort of lost touch with. In fact, he contacted me a little while ago after finding the website and he came to a Polish Vampire anniversary party we had. Bobbi Dorsch and I dated for a while and we broke up around 1986, and you know how things can go. Darwyn Carson was one of the actors who got questioned by SAG and she just didn’t want to deal with that anymore, so she opted out.”
After hearing about SAG and what they did to your actors, I got really pissed off. It seems weird that they would try to punish their members because they found work.
“There is something called Financial Core that allows SAG members to act in non-union films, but SAG tries to keep that a secret so they don’t lose their power. I’ve always cast SAG and non-SAG members in my movies if they’re right for the part, if they can hit their marks, and if they’re willing to do it. SAG does have a ‘Low Budget’ clause, but I’ve been working the way I have for so long, I just don’t see the need to go that route. Besides, working with SAG isn’t necessary unless you want to get someone like Bruce Wills.
For some reason, I don’t see Bruce Willis wanting to be in a movie about a giant ass.
“Probably not. Steve Martin, maybe.”
If, for some unknown reason, someone wanted to do a DVD special edition of Buford’s Beach Bunnies, would you be willing to be involved?
“I doubt that would happen since I don’t own the rights to it. But yeah, I’d be involved, if anything, so I could tell my side of what went wrong on the movie. So many people ask me about that, so it would be nice. But it probably won’t happen.”
What’s your opinion on this year’s Oscars?
“This year, a movie that I liked got nominated. Chicago. I think this is the first time since Annie Hall that a movie that I liked got nominated for best picture. (Note: Since this interview, Chicago swept the 2003 Oscars)
I just don’t really worry about the Oscars anymore. They seem to be pretty predictable in their nominations, except when South Park got nominated for best original song (“Blame Canada”).
“And that wasn’t even the best song from the movie. That was just the least offensive song. It’s all about good and bad taste, which is relative. I mean, if you’re in a group of people and you decide to pee on the floor, that’s probably not in good taste. But if you’re in a group of people who are fetishists, peeing on the floor might be good taste.”
And there you have it. Direct from the Polish Vampires mouth. I guess there’s nothing left to say, except, “Bring on the giant ass!!!!”
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